Review: BAYONETTA (2017)

Being bad never felt so good.

Bayonetta is a third-person action game developed by PlatinumGames and published by Sega. Originally released for Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 in 2009, the game was ported to Microsoft Windows this year. The player assumes the role of the titular character, a powerful witch who can shape-shift, perform magical attacks, and can summon demons from her hair.

(Yes, you read that last one correct.)

Is It Worth?

One of the best hack-and-slash games ever has finally arrived on PC. Why wouldn’t you want to give this a try?

A little about the Gameplay

I’m not even going to try to describe the plot here because, well, it’s pointless. You play as a sexy witch who has got guns attached to her shoes and can summon demons out of her hair. Oh, and her hair is also her costume. So… yeah.

This is not to say that the game does not try to offer even an outline of a story. The world is rich with demons, witches, angels, journalists, bartenders. But that’s not what Bayonetta is about. Bayonetta is about using complex combos and multiple weapons to kill angels with your bullets, kicks, punches, and hair.

Finishers and executions are woven into the combat. Building special combos will unlock “torture attacks,” where Bayonetta brings in elaborate torture machines to destroy her enemies. Apart from this, Bayonetta also possesses “witch time,” which is unlocked every time the player evades an enemy attack as late as possible. This temporarily slows time for everyone except Bayonetta, allowing the player to inflict massive damage before the enemies can react. As the game progresses, the player can unlock new moves, techniques, weapons, transformations, etc.

The game features an elaborate rating system, and depending on how well the player performs at the end of a chapter, they are offered one of the following award: Stone, Bronze, Silver, Gold, Platinum or Pure Platinum. And trust me, you really have to work for those.


The Good

1: Bayonetta is such a fun game. I probably had a stupid grin throughout the thirteen-ish hours I took to beat it. Video games should be fun!


2: I criticize often how modern games, at least the ones in the last four or five years, lack boss fights. And yes, this is just my opinion, but if a game does not have an epic boss fight at the end of every level, or if a game does not have at least that one boss that takes you multiple retries to beat, what’s the point really?

Not only does Bayonetta offer many boss fights, it does them right. Frankly, they are insane!

bayonetta boot

Yup, that’s her hair turned into what looks like a giant stiletto gladiator sandal, maybe?

3: Although Bayonetta gets categorized as an hack-and-slash game often — I did that too a while ago — it is so much more. The gameplay is relentlessly innovative. The game will throw racing missions at you where Bayonetta speeds down a highway on her motorcycle; the game will let you ride a missile and you can use that missile to shoot more missiles; and so, so much more. Every level feels fresh even though you are essentially building off from your previous exploits.

4: The combat system is fantastic. In my humble opinion, it probably is the best off games that offer similar gameplay. It is fluid. The transitions are smooth. Consider this: you can build combos, evade an enemy attack, and then continue to build that combo. The game offers you so much freedom.


How To Kick in the ‘Witch Time’ 101

5: I can’t run 4K, but my oh my, the game looks gorgeous. There would be some issues, of course. For example, I wouldn’t really expect this to run on an ultra wide screen or something because, well, the original is almost a decade old. Nevertheless, this is as perfect as a port can be.

The Bad

1: I found myself wondering often as I played the game whether Bayonetta is sexist. I’ve not been able to reach at a conclusion still. She carries herself with such confidence that even when she does her ridiculous climax moves and the camera focuses on her ass and breasts, she is the one in control. She probably is a cheesecake done right, if there is such a thing, but whether the character is sexist or sexy is still open to discussion, more than almost a decade after the original was released.



A fantastic port of one of the best games ever, Bayonetta comes highly recommended.

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Welcome to the dangerous and challenging world of bomb defusing.


A couple of months ago, I moved to Sweden. Thrust out of my comfort zone into unfamiliar territory, I found myself in a “student corridor”. My corridor has eleven people of varied ethnicity, race and culture. Germany, Italy, South Africa, India, Greece, Thailand, America, Poland, China, Sweden coexist in this tiny little corridor. Each of us have our own room/apartment, but since we share a kitchen, we get ample opportunity to interact with each other because, let’s be honest, nobody talks to their neighbours anymore. This common kitchen cum dining room has also become our movie theatre, dance hall, and the place where “Do you wanna listen to some Belinda Blinked?” leads to a night of hilarity.

Last night we had a crêpe party. There are two words in that last sentence that are nothing less than a conundrum for me. I’m an introvert. I don’t do parties. I am usually the guy hiding in the corner at a party. And I’m a terrible cook. I don’t do fancy stuff like crêpes. I stick with things I know how to make, which basically narrows down to rice. Fortunately, one of us had a cool crêpe making machine, and I discovered I am rather good at making the base. After a sumptuous meal, when the awkward silence started to creep in, I decided to bite the bullet.

“Do you wanna play a game?”

Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes is a local co-op game where players can choose between the role of bomb defuser and bomb experts. The defuser does the traditional video game stuff — look at a screen, press the right buttons. The experts sit across the defuser and use a manual to give instructions on how to get rid of the bomb. The defuser can’t look at the manual, the experts can’t look at the bomb. This leads to a situation similar to all those action films where the hero shouts at the person on the other end of the walkie-talkie asking whether he should cut the red wire or the blue.

(When I say “a situation similar to,” I do mean that. What will start as a rather easy going gaming experience will soon turn into panicked screams of “WHAT DO I DO?!!”)

The bomb is made of modules. To successfully defuse the bomb, you need to get all the modules on the bomb right within the time limit. The bomb defuser looks at the bomb and describes what they see on the modules, while the experts try to make sense of the description and guide the defuser through. It a simple premise; but it’s not.

“I see a keypad with weird symbols on it. Looks kinda Greek.”
“Okay. Go on.”
“Yeah so, uh, one of them is a triangle with three whiskers of… moustache?”
“Wait, what?”


As fun as it was, I was concerned that the game would grow stale. On the contrary, the more we played it, the more fun it got. Even though we got really good at certain modules and breezed through them (wires, button, for example), the game kept throwing new challenges at us (Morse code, ‘Who’s On First’, among so many), and adding distractions like noises, power outrages, etc.

If you ever get tired of board games like Dungeons and Dragons (blasphemy!) or party games like Cards Against Humanity, Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes would certainly help shake things up. It indeed worked for our party! We ended up playing for hours — screaming, shouting, panicking, but also, laughing, bonding, having a good time. This is such a fresh approach to traditional gaming — transcending genres — that once again we make a departure from our traditional article structure to review this game.

PS: There’s a VR version too, in case you don’t find this stressful enough!

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Review: SUPERHOT (2016)

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Review: WATCH DOGS 2 (2016)

Press ‘E’ to hack the world.


Watch Dogs 2 (or Watch_Dogs 2) is the second entry to Ubisoft’s attempt to create a GTA rival. The player takes on the role Marcus Holloway, a common guy (with out of the world hacking skills) who was targeted by the ctOS and flagged for a crime he did not commit. Throughout the game, Marcus tries to bring down Blume and the ctOS by hacking his way through various missions.

Is It Worth?

In my opinion, yes! I played the first Watch_Dogs and am familiar with the problems it had and the things it missed out on. Watch_Dogs 2 looks to fix those things, which in my opinion, is how a company should work. They listened to fan feedback and created a game which is fun and worth a try. That being said, remember this is Ubisoft which means that micro-transactions are a part of the game and they want you to buy the season pass and other DLC as well.

A little about the Gameplay

Playing as Marcus Holloway in the beautiful San Francisco, the world is yours to hack. The game allows you to hack gates, camera, and vehicles and also to call the police or rival gangs if you don’t want to get your hands dirty. The best part of the game is hands down your RC and drone. To anyone starting the game, buy these two as soon as possible. I believe that most of the missions in the game can be finished without entering the play area if you know how to use the drone and the RC.

For those who prefer a more ‘hands-on’ approach, you can always equip your weapon and go through the goons leaving dead bodies in your wake. However, Watch_Dogs 2 is most fun when you’re hacking your way through problems, not blowing them up. Frankly, Marcus looks good with his laptop, not his sniper rifle. That being said if you wanna blow shit up, the game lets you do that.

The game also follows a standard skill tree system, where completing missions gives you research points that you can use to upgrade your skills, weapon handling, hacking speed, etc. No need to fret if you choose something wrong as the game gives you enough research points to be fully upgraded by the time the final mission rolls in.

The Good

1: The cast. I feel that the biggest problem with the first Watch Dogs was that it had no memorable characters. Ezio, Tommy Vercetti, Trevor, CJ, etc. are all identifiable characters who made their game memorable. Aiden Pearce was nowhere close to them as he had zero personality and could have been a blank placeholder.

Marcus Holloway, on the other hand, is full of personality and vibe, which makes the game infinitely more enjoyable. Along with him, the rest of Dedsec is just as fun. Josh, Sitara, T-Bone (returning from the previous game) — and my absolute favourite Wrench — are truckloads of fun. These are people I would love to be friends with, IRL.

2: The setting. Watch_Dogs 2 exists in the beautiful city of San Francisco. And when I say beautiful, I mean fucking gorgeous. The city is teeming with life and you can spend hours in various places looking for landmarks and monuments. Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz prison and the Silicon Valley are just some of the places you can go and have fun at. Play the game in 1080p full HD and watch yourself be blown away.


3: The fun. Watch_Dogs 2 actively makes fun of everything pop culture. It pokes fun at Martin Shkreli, Donald Trump, Google, Facebook, Space X and everything else. They don’t take names of course (Google is Nudle, Facebook is !nvite and so on) but it’s so much fun that you just can’t stop laughing. Also, the game does have Ubisoft San Francisco office, in case it is not enough meta for you.


“Talk to me in 21st century memes.”

The Bad

1: Not enough mission variety. It is not game breaking, but most of the game boils down to ‘go there, hack that, run away’. I believe that is something unavoidable in a game about hacking, about a few missions with different structures would have been more fun. There are a few racing missions in there, but not enough.

2: The story. Taking down Blume forms the overarching narrative of the game, but when broken down into smaller parts it does not seem to have any direction. The missions are broken down into parts, but each part is more about a character/company to be taken down. Tying in a little bit better would have been better!


3: The antagonist. Dusan Nemec as the main antagonist fails to make an impact. As the CTO of Blume, he does not seem intimidating enough even when he effectively takes down the entire Dedsec single-handedly.


Ubisoft have breathed a new life into the Watch Dogs series with a fun new cast and great setting! Even if the sales numbers are not as high as expected, I would recommend this game as it’s the step in the right direction. Watch Dogs 2 has laid down a great foundation, and future entries should use this as the inspiration. That being said, please do not make it into a GTA clone. Watch Dogs has its personality and does not need to be anything else.

Games Rewired has given you the truth. Do what you will.

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